Why the First Week of Blogging Feels Like the First Week of Motherhood
I lie on the floor of the landing. I’m not quite sure what I’m doing here. I just feel drained.
And then it hits me. This first week of blogging has been like that first week of motherhood. You know the one – when you felt knackered, emotional, and everything was just completely, indisputably surreal.
Right then, thinks my slightly fuzzy brain. You’re not lying here like a great whinge baby for nothing – there’s got to be a post in this somewhere. If I can just rack my memory banks and piece all this together…
So if you remember that hazy, crazy first week of motherhood, or if you’ve ever tried your hand at some new creative thing, have a peek at this and let me know if it all sounds a bit familiar…
Giving Birth – The Ouchy Bit of
The first week of blogging is done and it’s a bit like you’ve given birth. OK, so there were none of those good drugs and nobody came to stitch up your lady parts, but it was similarly intense.
There was PAIN.
You had so much to remember you thought your head might explode. You sweated blood and there may even have been tears.
Then from a tiny seed of hope, your new thing was born. It was dragged into the world kicking and screaming with most of its moving parts not really functioning, but like an adoring mother, you loved it anyway.
But That Was the Easy Part!
Ha, so you’d thought that icky birth bit was the hard part. Good luck with that, sister. Now the real motherhood begins. The elation of the new arrival has passed and it’s up to you to keep the precious being alive. And that is tough.
Being thrown into a new world where you don’t understand anything and you’re terrified of getting it all wrong – in all honesty – you feel like a woman on the edge.
You doubt yourself at every turn, like you’re living on some dreadful rollercoaster. You can do this. You cannot do this. Oh HELP.
You obsessively Google check everything you do in case you break something. You feel a bit tearful but you’re not quite sure why. Everything is new and you are disorientated. Dizzy. And did you mention bloody worn out?!
Err… Where’s Everyone Gone?
And you may have this brand new thing with you day and night, but motherhood can be lonely. People are around you, supporting you through the early days, but soon they will go – glad to have enjoyed some of the fun with none of the tricky bits.
And then it will be you and the brand new thing. Just the two of you. It will lie there expecting stuff and if you don’t know what stuff all hell will break lose. My god, the pressure.
You feel like you are on a constant shift with no breaks. You’re exhausted. In the office days you could switch off your brain at home time. When it’s your baby, or your blog baby, your mind is always on. Computing, planning, thinking ahead. You cannot stop – there is no choice!
What Have You Done?
You want the best for this baby, you want it to thrive. You would fight to the death for its tiny little bones. Each successful breath makes your heart sing, every hiccup a scale ten panic.
But for all that effort, all that baring of your soul, it doesn’t really feel like you’ve done much. It started with a bang, but then the days of rushing around seem to produce little, other than keeping your precious charge alive. You may not even have showered.
And, crap, when did you last leave the house?
You scrape to the end of each day a frazzled mess, having loved with all your might, but the thing you have created does not yet give back. You must tend to it selflessly.
The doubters watch on, thinking hmm, I knew she was clueless. They pretend they’re not looking, but you know they are. You can see their curtains twitching. They are shuffling their collection of unwelcome remarks.
You know things will get brighter. You know it is normal for the early days to be a blur and for nothing much to be achieved other than keeping things afloat. You know your blog/baby will not be jumping up anytime soon with eyes full of appreciation and a heart full of love, saying “thank you mummy, you’re great”.
You’ll be lucky if they even see fit to glance in your direction, during all the many hours you worship and slave over them. You wonder if they even like you. Would they notice if you legged it? Because you’d kill for some peace.
Love, Love, Love!
But that, my friends, is love. The love you have for something you’ve created. Something you have prepared and waited for. Something that is yours. Others may look at it and think it’s a little bit grubby, but you kind of like it that way, even though at first it may not show much concern for you.
Because you know that one day, when it grows a little more, it will jump up and surprise you. It will look at you, for just a second, and say:
“Mummy, you’re doing fine.”
And then all the sweat and tears, the hard work, sleepless nights and craziness will become worth it. In that tiny moment, you will have succeeded.
So – that first week of motherhood. How was it for you? Have I missed anything or talked utter nonsense? I’d love to hear your thoughts.
And bloggers – were you an emotional wreck in week one too? Or was that just me?!
Give Me More!
If you want to know more about this blogging lark, my Humorous Guide to Blogging Words is a MUST READ!
If you’re in the mood for a giggle about motherhood, check out my mini rant on Playgroups. Ooh, controversial!
Then there’s the really good one where I apologise to my own mother for being a bit crap. Don’t miss that!
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