Early Miscarriage – From My Heart to Yours

This week’s post is a toughie for me. Early miscarriage is something which affects so many of us, and yet when it happens to you, you feel like the only one in the world. Because nobody ever mentions it. It becomes like your secret shame, and it should never feel that way. So I’m going to be brazen and talk.

Because it’s hard to be the only one without a bump. Without a pram. Without a warm bundle of baby-ness in your arms. You feel like it will never happen for you; like blessings are for the other people. That’s not the case.

So it was always my wish to put my thoughts into words one day, in the hope of helping somebody out there find a little piece of comfort. There is help for you if you have suffered an early miscarriage. There is support. There may be solutions if you look for them and you may still find that rainbow if you keep on searching. I am proof of that.

Early Miscarriage – My Valentine’s Letter

This Valentine’s day I will think of you. All three of you. Your tiny hearts which did not beat for long.

You lived within me, in the folds of my womb. Cushioned, warm, but not safe enough. I’m sorry.

You carried with you my hopes and dreams. The hopes and dreams of others too. I would mother you.

I never got to feel you kick, to watch the swell of my belly as you grew. You didn’t grow enough.

I only got to see one of you swim on a scan; my little heart number three. How you bounced. If it wasn’t for you, I would have given up. But your flicker of life gave me hope – the hope that kept me fighting, which bloomed into your brother. My little rainbow boy.

I never knew why you didn’t endure. I never will. That’s fate I guess; not ours to understand.

Just know that I wanted you and nurtured you as best I could whilst you were mine. You were loved, you tiny, tiny souls. So loved.

But I won’t cling to you. Our lives are not about the sad things; we must celebrate the rainbows. And I do. So today I let you go.

May your hearts dance happily with the stars. All three of you. Be good.

And know that you have taught me so much. You have shown me perseverance. We will never know what life plans for us, but we must keep going. We must get up, each day, and try again. With a smile.

You have shaped me, little hearts. You have made me strong. You have reminded me to be grateful, every single day, for the one which did endure.

So this Valentine’s day my heart is for you. All three of you. Yours which did not beat for long.

 

A Valentine's Letter - Early Miscarriage
Photo by Plush Design Studio from Pexels

 

If you feel moved to say a few words about early miscarriage or anything at all, or you have a story to share which may help others, please feel free to scroll down and type something in the Comments box. I would love to hear your thoughts.

If you don’t want to miss out on future posts, please add your email address into the Subscribe box.

And as always, please do share this message on social media. You never know who may need it. Early miscarriage isn’t talked about enough.

Help For Early Miscarriage

For advice or support in relation to pregnancy loss, I recommend the Miscarriage Association website, where you will find lots of helpful information, and even a forum where you can chat to others:

https://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/

https://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/miscarriage-forum/

More From Me

If you want to know more about the mummy behind the poem and her rainbow boy, please see the About Me page.

If you need more information on this subject, or advice on self-care during this difficult time, please feel free to visit my guest blog post on Nanny Maryanne’s website. The post is called Advice for Early Pregnancy Loss.

And as always, I am here for you via my Contact Page if you need me. Don’t be nervous.

Photo credit for featured image: Photo by Plush Design Studio from Pexels

 

Confessions of a New Mummy

36 Replies to “Early Miscarriage – From My Heart to Yours”

  1. found this poem i wrote on 5th march 2001, i was pregnant with twins but didnt know it and i had just miscarried one of them, so the first verse was before i went to the hospital for a scan and the 2nd verse was after i found out my Baylee was still there and still holding on, just goes to show even in despair you just dont know what goodness is around the corner. made me cry reading it when i found it today….

    I need you now like never before, get me out of this ocean and back on shore, troubled waters that chop and change, clear the mists come out of the haze, another baby another death, two given and two less, where are you God my beacon light, too much darkness you’re out of sight, everything happens for a reason but what could that reason be, to give me another life, then take it away from me…..

    The footsteps verse is so very true, you were carrying me when i needed you, the world around me so very stark, no daylight, nothing but dark, but you are there when i cannot see, to love and support and are guiding me. i thank you God and all above for giving me hope and so much love……… God bless my Baylee xxxxx

    1. My goodness, you poor thing. What an amazing poem – there’s no end to your talents. Thank you so much for sharing that. I have so many books full of scribbles from the tough times. Need to be brave and take a look at them one day. Take care, lady. Hope your hubby is spoiling you today. Xx

    1. Thanks for taking time to add a comment, Sal. Hopefully it will become less of a taboo if people share their thoughts a bit more. Takes a bit of time to be ready though. X

  2. This is a beautiful poem and a lovely way to celebrate those three precious little lives. I agree that miscarriage isn’t talked about enough, it was only after I experienced it that a lot of my friends told me that had gone through it too, like I was only allowed to know once I was in the club.
    Thank you for helping raise awareness.

    1. Thank you so much for sharing your story. It certainly does happen so much more than we know, and it’s always good to talk.

  3. This is such a beautiful poem for your lost babies. The more people talk about baby loss, the more help can be given to mums who go through the ordeal. Thanks for sharing xx

    1. Thank you for taking the time to comment, Mel. I am so lucky compared to many, but I’m glad to be able to share my thoughts. Xx

  4. I felt alone when I lost my two daughters but the more I talked about stillbirth the more I realised I wasn’t alone and there were others out there going through exactly what I was. I hope your poem brings comfort to those that need it at this time.

  5. This is such a beautiful post Neets. Brought a tear to my eye. Partly because of the sadness but also becuse I’m so happy for you and your lovely little family xx

  6. This poem is equally heartbreaking and beautiful. I’m sorry you have experienced such loss but thank you for sharing your experience so other women feel less alone xx

  7. Very moving and can relate as I had too miscarriages, the first one was hard with lots of questions. Sending love to you X #twinklytuesday

I'd love to hear your views. (Please be nice!)

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.