An Apology to My Mother
I didn’t realise what a mother was until I became one.
When I was a child, you were someone who took charge of all the things and told me I couldn’t stay up late playing Barbie Rock Star. In my heart I was grateful you were always there with your hugs and your patience, but I didn’t realise it then.
When I was a teenager, you were someone who nagged about short skirts and said no to bad boyfriends. In my heart, I was grateful you showed me how to be strong and brave and to believe in myself, but I didn’t realise it then.
When I grew up, you became a best friend. I was growing into you – we liked the same things. We scavenged at flea markets, fought over bargains, shared inspiration. But that wasn’t all you were. I didn’t realise it then.
Now That I Am a Mother
Now that I am a mother, though still new, I begin to sense what it means – the sheer enormity of what you have given.
Those nine long months of joy and fear, not knowing how they will end or what you will become. Your body stretching, getting ready to burst.
The pain and emotion of childbirth, like a dreadful roller coaster. Willing to endure anything for your happy, healthy ending. Then finally able to leave; tired and clueless, your hopes and dreams wrapped up in a blanket. The terror of breaking such a delicate thing. A thing that is yours to keep.
The dedication of giving your life to the upbringing of a small human being. The twenty-four hour sleepless devotion, the unwavering love. The toil without gratitude. The tears, the tantrums, the endless tasks. No time to yourself. Who are you anyway?
And That’s Just the Beginning
And that’s just the beginning; a drop in the ocean of this thing they call motherhood. I cannot yet appreciate all you have done or what else is yet to come. But I know there will be plenty.
So I just wanted to say sorry. Sorry that I did not appreciate all you had done. All you had given. Sorry that I took your efforts for granted. That I put you through hell with bad boyfriends and dreadful skirts.
And thank you. Thank you for all the love, the fun, the dedication to the whirlwind that is motherhood. Thank you for not minding about any of it. For taking it in your stride as part of the job. For laughing, and hugging and loving anyway.
Thank you for being my mum, my cheerleader, my protector against bad things. Thank you for being a giggly warm Grandma to my toddling bundle of joy.
But most of all thank you for just being my friend.; silly, stubborn, inspirational, kind. My original Brazen Mummy.
Over to You
What are your thoughts this Mother’s Day? Did your understanding of motherhood change when you became one? Maybe you aren’t a mother yourself, but you still appreciate yours to the fullest extent – don’t get me wrong, I know my pre-mum selfishness is probably entirely my own! (Some of my best people are non-mums – who doesn’t love hanging out with people who don’t rabbit on about kids! He hee…)
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Give Me More!
If you want more of the same, why not take a look at these posts too:
Tales From Mamaville
Twins Tantrums and Cold Coffee