Ooh, I’ve got a treat in store for you this week. Drum roll. We’re having a special guest – and she’s bubbling over with ideas on how to keep your kids quiet over the holidays. Erm, I mean lovely toddler learning games…
Now here’s the thing. I’ve bitched about toddler groups. I’ve moaned about tantrums. So the heat is really on to keep this child of mine entertained. And seeing as his becoming a brain surgeon is pretty much my retirement plan, it needs to be educational as well as fun. I do like to multi-task.
So that’s why I’ve brought one of my lovely blogger friends, Nanny Maryanne, to the rescue. Her website is here if you can’t resist knowing more:
She’s here to help me, and of course you delightful bunch, with her invaluable Nanny advice on toddler learning games. She’s going to divulge some invaluable tips on easy games you can play at home without having to fork out for a bunch of stuff (and fill your house with more kiddie crap!).
Yep, how lucky are we. The advice of an actual professional Nanny without having to pay for a thing. Bloody hell, we’re getting dead fancy.
I didn’t realise what a mother was until I became one.
When I was a child, you were someone who took charge of all the things and told me I couldn’t stay up late playing Barbie Rock Star. In my heart I was grateful you were always there with your hugs and your patience, but I didn’t realise it then.
When I was a teenager, you were someone who nagged about short skirts and said no to bad boyfriends. In my heart, I was grateful you showed me how to be strong and brave and to believe in myself, but I didn’t realise it then.
When I grew up, you became a best friend. I was growing into you – we liked the same things. We scavenged at flea markets, fought over bargains, shared inspiration. But that wasn’t all you were. I didn’t realise it then.
Now That I Am a Mother
Now that I am a mother, though still new, I begin to sense what it means – the sheer enormity of what you have given.
I’ve got to say, this toddler tantrum malarkey has pounced on me like a mugger from a bush. I mean, I’d heard all about these terrible twos, but give me a break. My kid’s barely one!
There’s no doubt about it – toddlers are angsty little suckers. It’s like they have all the “why the hell are you getting in my face” rage of a teenager, but with an even worse ability to express themselves. At least teenagers can talk (well, grunt).
It seems like it’s all going on for these toddlers. Teething, the dreaded leaps, having to learn to do ALL OF THE STUFF. No wonder they get ranty.
Now I don’t know much about much, but I’ve been trying out a few tricks in the interests of trying to keep my sanity in the eye of the storm. So I thought I’d share what works for me.
Why the First Week of Blogging Feels Like the First Week of Motherhood
I lie on the floor of the landing. I’m not quite sure what I’m doing here. I just feel drained.
And then it hits me. This first week of blogging has been like that first week of motherhood. You know the one – when you felt knackered, emotional, and everything was just completely, indisputably surreal.
Right then, thinks my slightly fuzzy brain. You’re not lying here like a great whinge baby for nothing – there’s got to be a post in this somewhere. If I can just rack my memory banks and piece all this together…
So if you remember that hazy, crazy first week of motherhood, or if you’ve ever tried your hand at some new creative thing, have a peek at this and let me know if it all sounds a bit familiar…
Giving Birth – The Ouchy Bit of
The first week of blogging is done and it’s a bit like you’ve given birth. OK, so there were none of those good drugs and nobody came to stitch up your lady parts, but it was similarly intense.
Now don’t go shooting me down in flames. This may be a tad controversial, and I accept playgroups are a lifeline to many mums, and super great for the little ones, blah blah blah. But come on. Don’t they sometimes just annoy you?
And I’m not trying to put you off them. If you haven’t been, go with a friend, and all of this stuff will be hilarious. These are not ten universal truths, just my sarcastic take on the matter. Probably on a bad day.
*Secures her bullet proof vest for the onslaught*
Argh, here goes:
Playgroup Truth #1
Small strangers try to touch you. They are sticky. They have A LOT of breakfast encrusted around their faces and they may be snotty. Their parent/guardian types are not parenting or guarding, they are playing Candy Crush Saga on their mobile phones at an unsafe distance.