Stop Comparing Yourself to Others, Mummy

Stop comparing yourself to others! But urgh, why is it so hard..?

Comparing yourself or your child to others will steal your happiness. Yep, that’s right. It will rock right up in its woolly balaclava and snatch the very joy from your delicate little palms.

So today I’m thinking about why we do this to ourselves and how we can just flaming well stop it! Because we should just concentrate on being fabulous us, have faith in our parenting skills and be proud of our gorgeous little bundles of craziness in all their ratty, snotty glory.

Hell yeah mummies, let’s crack this.

Should you stop comparing yourself to others completely?

OK, I’ll admit it. Just like the big guy with the twiddly moustache from the advert says, a bit of comparison can be a useful thing.

I mean let’s face it, none of us are born knowing how to mum. We learn and take our inspiration from others, to some extent. I know I’m often taking a sneak peek at how other mums do things and thinking bloody brilliant, I’m stealing that snazzy little trick.

And that sort of comparison is OK, as long as it makes you happy, and the person you’re copying isn’t some sort of child-hating Cruella de Vil. But…

Stop comparing yourself to others - from one mummy to another.
It’s OK, pup. No sign of Cruella here…

When to stop comparing yourself to others

But when comparison gets out of hand and makes us feel a bit crap about life, that’s when we need to call time on that shifty little sucker.

For example, I think every single thing Little B does is marvellous and extraordinary, when it’s just us guys together. The tiniest of things, like him pointing out bananas in the fruit aisle in Tesco makes my heart sing with joy.

I’m punching the air like the kid’s a genius. Whoop whoop – I created that! (You may catch me doing a victory dance in a reasonably priced supermarket near you. Just smile politely and move on…)

Don’t compare your meerkat!

And then I do something loopy like take him to a toddler group. Suddenly I despair that the other kids are doing all sorts of things I’ve never even thought of teaching my little pickle. And of course, I’m not going to be sad with him.

Mum guilt alert – you know it –  it will all be my fault.

I’ll be thinking my god, why haven’t I bought him a plastic food picnic set? What kind of mother am I?! Now he’ll never be able to pronounce croissant, or choose himself a can of scrumptious spam.

What if he never makes it to the Master Chef final..?

Or hell, why haven’t I shown him how to use a plastic telephone circa 1972? How will he ever succeed in the world of telecommunications now? Urgh, go back to mum school.

Stop comparing yourself to others - my guide for mummies.
A telephone. That plugs into the wall? Are you sure..?!

Definitely stop comparing yourself to others on social media!

And social media isn’t doing us any favours. I’m sure our generations will suffer from this comparing malarkey more than ever.

It’s like we’re constantly bombarded with snap shots of other people’s lives. They’re under our noses, in our pockets, screaming and twerking right in our exhausted faces.

If we don’t keep a handle on it, our lives can easily spiral into a world of comparing and being compared. What starts out as a leisurely scroll through Facebook, can end up in you wondering if you really measure up.

No matter how contented you are with your own little patch, there’s always some poser ready to flaunt their Marie Kondo’d house and perfectly airbrushed face, or their kids nicely lined up like they’re from The Sound of bloody Music.

We don’t see the off screen bit where there’s a massive pile of stinky washing or their tots are having a tantrum because they’re not allowed to put Rice Krispies up their nose.

So why are we comparing ourselves to others?

Do we compare ourselves because we’re worried about how we size up? Are we concerned other people are looking at us and thinking we’re not good enough?

Well let’s face it ladies, anyone who looks at us or our flipping delightful offspring and doesn’t think we’re the best thing since sliced bread is just not our kinda people. We don’t need to belong with them. We don’t need ourselves or our children to be the same.

Heck, we wouldn’t even want them to be!

Stop Comparing Yourself to Others - self-help for mummies.
My kid’s the best thing since sliced bread! So there.

Measuring up and fitting in is an ancient survival instinct, helping us to mimic and cling to the rat race so we didn’t get eaten by bears, or whatever. Well, screw that outdated nonsense. I’ve not seen a great deal of bear action around these parts.

Are other mums judging us?

Besides, in reality, most other mums are too busy worrying about their own stuff to notice what we’re up to.

They’re juggling and mumming and trying to clean lentil soup off the radiator. They’re panicking about whether they sent that email at work or whether there’s enough gravy in for tea.

And occasionally they’re brushing their fringe and shoving all the lego out of the way so they can take a quick photo for Facebook. Because we’re all just human.

So I don’t know about you, but I’m going to slam my foot on the comparison brakes, and scream out loud “stop comparing yourself to others!” (please!).

I mean, let’s think about this in other aspects of life. If we all went around comparing ourselves to others instead of just getting on with it, it would be chaos central.

Release your inner Mo Farah!

For example, Imagine you’re Mo Farah trying to win a race, and instead of gritting your teeth and going for it, believing in yourself, you’re busy looking over your shoulder checking out the competition.

Are they faster than me? Are they wearing better shorts? You’d soon be wobbling over and face-planting that tarmac.

Stop comparing yourself to others - my guide for mummies everywhere.
Oh gawd – she’s looking over her shoulder, isn’t she? Face plant..!

All this comparison a just a tad pointless

Would you swap a single hair on your child’s head for someone else’s? Most days, I’m guessing not. So the comparison thing is all a bit pointless in the end.

“Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day,” as Shakespeare would say? No thank you bard, we’re not comparing our meerkats here. So kindly bugger off.

So next time I get a bit panicky about how I’m measuring up as a mother, I’ll ask myself this.

Is my kiddy-wink loved, cared for and as happy as this infamous Larry?

Yes indeedie.

Would I change the tiniest thing about him.

Err, nope.

And am I doing my god damned best (even if Sheila makes better unicorn cupcakes and Nelly’s kid can recite the alphabet backwards standing on his head?)

Hell yes.

So chill, woman. Stop with this pointless comparison lark. You’re an incredible creature, your kid’s a legend and you’ve absolutely one hundred percent got this.

Now come on mummies, who’s with me?

Over to You

So ladies and gents, you know what to do. If you’re with me, scroll down and  stick a hell yes in the comments box. Us mummies of the world need your love. And as always, I love hearing your thoughts. So what little things do you find yourself comparing, that you just need to nip in the bud?

Now don’t forget to add your email to the subscribe box. I don’t want you missing out on future posts.

And what are you waiting for? Hit one of the social share buttons and spread the Brazen Mummy Word! Love ya. xx

What Next?

Ooh, so you’re going to stop comparing yourself to others, and you’re still keen. I love that! Why not try out some of my other posts:

The Brazen Mummy Quiz will always be one of my favourites, if you like a good laugh.

Or how about the one where I apologise to my mother for a lifetime of selfishness? And the photos are pretty funny!

If you LOVED this motivational kick, you can’t miss my post on beating overwhelm. Read that too, and you’ll be on fire today, Mumma!

Plus there’s always my Facebook page for daily banter. Hop on over and press like!

Enjoy. xx

Photo Credits –

Loaf of Bread – Photo by Sydney Troxell from Pexels

Telephone – Photo by Louis Hansel on Unsplash

Lady running – Photo by Bewakoof.com Official on Unsplash

Dalmatian – Photo by Bianka Csenki on Unsplash

Featured image – lady at mirror – from Pixabay, via Pexels

 

Twins, Tantrums and Cold Coffee

 

57 Replies to “Stop Comparing Yourself to Others, Mummy”

    1. Ahh, thank you honey! That’s very kind of you. Always great to have the famous Nanny M on board! Xxx

  1. 100% Hell yes!! Totally agree. I feel very passionately about the perfect pictures on social media because it spirals you into a whirlwind of jealousy when actually you’re right, the mess and the arguments can’t be seen. Nobody’s perfect and as long as our littlies are loved and cared for then they can shove their unicorn cupcakes up their cereal-free nostrils!

    1. Ha haaaa! You’re hilarious. Bloody unicorn cupcakes. Glad you’re here to help me with keeping it real. Massive high five. Xx

    1. Happy to be of service! Now don’t let this icky feeling get you down again. Pin this post somewhere safe if you need to. You are awesome and whatever everyone else has got, nobody can be you! Xx

  2. I love this post. I constantly go off on a bit of a rant about social media in particular and how we need to realise that what we see is not always what is really going on.

    And what I might be green eyed about with someone’s life they could feel exactly the same about their life in comparison to mine.

    I long for the days when I didn’t know all about my friends lives in such detail because I’d never find reason to compare.

    It makes me so sad that we all waste energy comparing. Great post Brazen 🥰😍

    1. Thank you so much for your heartfelt comment. I agree life was much simpler when I could live it without so much knowledge of everyone else’s! I love seeing the honest bits, lovely or otherwise. But not the fakery! Xx

    1. Thank you! We have the canned plastic spam at our local play group, so we’ll manage with that! Xx

  3. Yess 100% here for this. Comparison is the thief of joy and as soon as I realised this and adopted Mo Farah’s approach my mental health was so much better! Really enjoyed this x

  4. So true. I purposely avoided anti natal classes and a lot of new baby groups to try and protect myself from this kind of thing and to a large extent it did work. I was able to nurture my own form of mothering without the whole “what pram do you have, are you breast or bottle feeding, doesn’t your baby sleep for 27367 hours straight yet? comparison dialogue began. Obviously Mum guilt is always there, but it was good not to be dominated by it at the beginning when you’re exhausted, emotional and hormonal anyway!

    1. Well done you for going it alone. The whole comparison thing is such a double-edged sword. But what do you mean, your baby doesn’t sleep for 27367 hours?! You must be doing it all wrong! 😂😂😂 Thanks for sharing your thoughts, kind lady. Xx

  5. 1000% Hell Yes! I feel like parents only show the best of their kids on social media and so I sit here, covered in baby puke, greasy mum bun and pyjamas wondering why I can’t have the perfect life like them.
    We should celebrate everyone’s successes and triumphs but that doesn’t mean that we’re failing in comparison.
    You’ve written this perfectly 💜

    1. Thank you Paige! It’s definitely a hard balance. Of course people should celebrate the wins, but if you’re not in the right frame of mind for it, their wins can make you feel like a loser. So we need our little pep talks! Xx

    1. Don’t let it get under your skin. It’s not real life. It’s mostly just fiction! So pants to it. 😋 xx

  6. It is so easy to fall intot he trap of social media comparison! Everything looks so perfect on pictures. I always try to remind myself that my pictures can also come out awesome, even when the situation itself is totally opposite. And everyone else is the same way. So social media never tells the whole story!

  7. When my eldest son was young I did compare myself and him to others. The game changer for me was having my second son who has autism and is 2-3 years behind his peers. There’s nothing I can do about this so there is no point in comparing him to anyone else. #ItsOK

  8. Hell yes! Totally with you on this. It’s hard not to compare your kids with their friends, but as my antenatal mates and I used to say (when we were all panicking about our 3 week olds) – they’ll all be walking and talking by the time they go to school! And as for comparing mums against each other, it’s pointless. Each to their own! Thanks for linking up to #ItsOK. A great post.

    1. Thanks Helen. Yes, the whole comparing thing is just a big stinky pile of pointlessness! So there. 😂 xx

  9. You did say ladies and gents so here’s a massive Hell Yes! from a Dad who has been guilty of lot of this in his time. Really enjoyed your post, I love your writing style.

    1. We’re an inclusive bunch here at Brazen Mummy! Don’t compare your meerkats or your summer’s days. It will end in disaster! Just be glorious you. Xx

  10. I couldn’t agree more with this – comparison is the thief of joy and can really harm our mental wellbeing. I even teach my daughter not to compare herself to others!!

    1. Yes, that’s the other big issue. We can’t let our kids see us behaving this way, or we’ll perpetuate the nasty cycle. So down with comparison and up with joy! Xx

  11. I can definitely relate, there are so many times when I’ve felt not good enough compared to other moms, so much so that it has brought tummy flutters and the startings of anxiety attacks. You’ve given some great tips and advice here about how to cope with these feelings, thank you.

    1. Oh no, why do we do this to ourselves! Keep believing in your greatness. We’re doing a fantastic job. Xx

  12. I think it’s easy to tell ourselves not to compare but very hard not to! I try really hard to focus on myself and not compare myself in any way but sometimes that little voice creeps in!

  13. Hell yes!! I swear every toddler group I go to I’m the only one with a ferrel child who is loving life running round like crazy, whilst the other little ones are at of their parents knees gently singing ‘wind the bobbin up’! I always compare myself and always assume I’m under judgement.

    1. Completely! Me too. I’ve actually published a ranty post on toddler groups before, outrageous mumma that I am! With you all the way…xx

  14. Hell yes! This is just what I needed to read. It’s easier said than done, but comparing yourself to others always ends in tears.

    1. So glad you found it useful. Yes, comparing will generally end badly. Let’s just shake it off! XX

    1. It’s awful – I can’t imagine being a teenager now. At least in my day it was only models in magazines making you feel a bit shoddy. Now it can be anyone and everyone if you’re in the wrong frame of mind. Xx

  15. 🙌🏻🙌🏻 Absolutely. We are all too guilty of doing this I think, and we most certainly need to give ourselves a break.

  16. I don’t compare myself but I worry about what others think way too much, too much and it can really affect me at times. I wish I could stop!

    1. Yes, the old fear of judgement thing is no fun either. I always love Coco Chanel’s saying, which goes something like “I don’t care what you think of me. I don’t think of you at all.” A good one to keep in the archives to tell yourself when you need to! Xx

  17. Do you know when I find myself doing this the most? When I am picking my daughter up from school. Standing there at the gates waiting for her I find my eyes wandering around looking at all the other mummies and how I compare to them. I hate that I let myself do this so often now I stand at the back, check the news on my phone as I am waiting and try not to look around too much. It is ridiculous and you’re absolutely right, most of the time no good can come from this. I always end up feeling worse for it. After reading your post I feel empowered! #itsok

    1. Oh Tracey, that sounds tough. But think of it this way. When your daughter runs out of school all excited to see you and tell you about her day, I bet she doesn’t size you up against the other mums for a second. I am sure she doesn’t stand there and wonder if she should pick another one to go home with. I’m convinced as anything she runs straight to you and thinks you’re the absolute best. So make sure you believe it too, amazing lady. Thanks so much for reading. Xx

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