Blogging Words – Humorous Guide

Blogging Words. Just what is all that lingo about anyway? Well, here goes…

(Now don’t say Brazen Mummy isn’t down with the kids!)

Your Complete Guide to Blogging Words…

Blogroll – Honestly, I’m not making these blogging words this up. And it’s not the stuff your toddler likes to unravel across the bathroom like he’s the bloody Andrex puppy. This is a list of links which you may have on your website, probably in a sidebar, listing other decent blogs. But hang on a sec, what’s a…

Sidebar – Ooh, I know. Small place where you order drinks? Err, brandy cocktail? (or was that a sidecar?) Ah, nope. Disappointingly, this is just a column to the right or left of the main blog content. You know, the bit where you might put a widget or two. Oh, give me strength. What the hell’s a…

Widget – Little plastic thingy-bob in the bottom of a beer can? You know, the thing that makes the froth? Jack Dee did a whole song and dance about them in the 90s. (Ladies flashing their ladybird bottoms were involved, so my husband now points out. Trust him to notice. You can check out the lady bums with the link below, if you’re particularly bored):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VsiWQ4xm5-Q

Remember? Well, these cool blog kids don’t – the 90s is DEAD to them. Nowadays a widget is like a pre-installed app a blogger can use on their website to add handy stuff, like a map, calendar or nice pictures of their cat. Which brings me to…

Kittyblogger – Someone who blogs about their cat. Because…well, why not. Better Kittyblogging than, err, dogging. If it keeps them off the streets…

Plugin – Yes, now you’re talking! Handy fragranced contraption you stick into a socket to get rid of that funny chicken smell. Pah, wrong again. If you don’t have the right widgets for your website, you can add these little plugin apps to pimp your page further, eg add swirly bits of text or filter out that grubby spam. Which is in fact nothing to do with ham.

Spam – Not a jellified chunk of meat product, but junk email. Perhaps so-called as it’s similarly off putting. Right then, surely this type of mail has something to do with the…

Post Slug – Precisely, I know this guy! He’s the podgy one who delivers the snail mail. Always turns up at nap time with his annoying parcels (probably for some neighbour who can’t be arsed to get off the couch) and wakes up the baby. If I get my hands on the slimy bugger… Ah, hang on, it’s not him. Christ, I’ll never get the hang of this. A post slug is a unique URL for a blog post. But what the bejesus is a…

URL – The address of a web page. (I added one above, in the Widget section – get me!) Not sure how a page of stuff gets to have its own postcode exactly, when it’s floating up there in cyber space, but we’ll skate over that. But now we’re onto those confusing acronyms…

SEO – They’re all going on about it. Last time I looked it stood for Spare Emergency Outfit (you know – the one you keep in the changing bag for those poonami days).

But in this brave new world, it stands for Search Engine Optimisation. This is about adding lots of sneaky keywords into your posts so that the Google spiders find them and bump you up the search results list.

Now Google, that’s a marvellous thing. I can look up all sorts of these funny acronyms. Not long before I’ll be down with the kids. But hang on a minute…bloody hell, I’m a what? A POTATO???

POTATO – Person Over Thirty Acting Twenty One. Oh, screw it. I’ve had enough of this lark. I’m off to make a nice cuppa. Now where are my slippers…

Do you have any weird blogging words to add to the list? Do you think I’m a POTATO who should just jack it all in and go back to my day job?! I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Give Me More! 

If you enjoyed the stupid humour in this post,  go and crack up at my post about Impostor Syndrome.

And the Brazen Mummy Quiz is another glorious way to spend five silly minutes. Go on, get over there!

Or if you’re just trying to work out who this weirdo is, have a look at my About Me page:

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