DISCLAIMER – THIS BRAZEN MUMMY QUIZ IS JUST FOR FUN. IN NO WAY SHOULD YOU TAKE PARENTING OR LIFE ADVICE FROM THIS QUIZ. IT IS NOT ACCEPTABLE TO ATTACK PEOPLE WITH SLIPPERS.
Brazen Mummy Question 1
You are at a mums and toddlers group and a bolshie mum (probably dressed in Boden with not a trace of dried baby food on her) snatches a toy from your precious darling to give to her own spoilt offspring. Do you:
A. March over to the woman and give her a lecture on sharing nicely. Nobody steals Peppa Pig from your kid and gets away with it.
B. Gawp in disbelief and find something better for your little one to play with. You were sick of Peppa Whats-Its-Face anyway.
C. Round up some more toys to give to the scary lady and her child. Come on, she might beat you up…
Brazen Mummy Question 2
Your breastfed baby is screaming for milk. You’re in a busy restaurant and fully within your rights to feed your baby wherever you flipping please, but the people at the next table start scowling at you as you make a move to start breastfeeding. Do you:
A. Whip your boob out and proudly latch your baby on. Poke your tongue out at scowly folk. Take a selfie, complete with boob. Ask them if they want to be in your selfie.
B. Breastfeed your baby but feel a bit uncomfortable about it. Use that funny shawl thing you don’t usually bother with. Those people don’t deserve a look at your boobs anyway.
C. Go and hide in the toilets for a bit until scowlers have gone. Abandon restaurant without your chocolate brownie and feed baby in the car under a huge pile of coats. Swear you’ll never breastfeed again.
Brazen Mummy Question 3
The nosey old lady who works in the corner shop keeps trying to push her useless parenting advice onto you. She’s starting to get quite rude when you don’t follow it and is treating you like you’re doing it all wrong. You know full well that her only progeny grew up to be the local axe murderer. Do you:
A. Make a beeline to the shop even though you don’t need anything, wearing your specially printed “I don’t give a toss what you think, lady” t-shirt and a big brazen smile.
B. Nod politely and tell her you’ll take her advice on board. You won’t, but her son’s an axe murderer for Christ’s sake. No sense in upsetting her.
C. Do whatever she says, even though her advice on weaning your 3 month old onto Curly Wurlys sounds iffy. Her son might do you over.
Brazen Mummy Question 4
Some young guy in a pickup with no kids inside is parking in the last mother and baby space at the supermarket. It’s pouring with rain and you have eleven kids in the back, three of whom are too young to walk and at least two will moan about it. You’re still in your slippers. Do you:
A. Screech up next to the dude and give him the rollocking of his life. You’ve got enough on your plate today without this little oik taking the piss. If he dares to argue without good reason he’ll get a Primark slipper in his head.
B. You think about approaching him but he looks a bit rough and ready, and you can see another mum coming back to her car now anyway. Maybe you can have her space – she might even leave her trolley for you.
C. You smile at him as he looks a bit scary and you don’t want to make trouble. You go and park in the overflow car park two miles away and carry the three youngest on your back like you’re Dominic the donkey. Your best slippers are ruined.
Brazen Mummy Question 5
You and your mummy mates pay extortionate sums to get into a soft play centre as it’s advertised as having the world’s best sensory play room for babies. When you get inside there is no such room and nothing for your babies to do. They can’t walk yet so the rest of the kit is pointless. Do you:
A. Threaten to report them to the local paper if they don’t give you all a refund and free cake. You get your phone out and start to make the call. The owner is so keen to shut you up he gives you and your gang free passes for the next year and says he’ll name the sensory room after you when it’s finished.
B. You make polite enquiries about the room and accept the owner’s offer for free entry next time, once the room is ready. Poor guy seemed a bit frazzled.
C. You decide not to say anything and instead pretend your baby can walk, to avoid embarrassing the owner. You spend an hour shuffling around the soft play activities holding your baby up until your arms feel like they might drop off. You decide to repeat this charade on a regular basis as the owner must need the money to put towards building the missing sensory room.
If your answers were:
MOSTLY As: Woah, you’re one brazen mumma! You’ve even out-brazened me. It looks like this blog is your spiritual home and I’d love it if you’d stick around and show the rest of us a thing or two. Like where did you get that t-shirt printed…
MOSTLY Bs: It seems you’re a pretty balanced lady. Always preferable not to annoy mothers of axe murderers – good call! It would be great to have you on board the blog train, to keep us all in check.
MOSTLY Cs: You seem like a sweetie, but girl, you’re not a donkey! If you want to embrace some of your inner brazen, or just laugh at the rest of us, please stay and play.
NONE OF THE ABOVE – YOU JUST DID THE QUIZ TO BE NOSEY: It doesn’t matter if you’re not a mum (I wasn’t for the first 38 years either), if you’re not a parent at all or even if you’re one of those men folk. We’re all inclusive here (not the free piña coladas type, unfortunately), so feel free to hang out, as long as you’re not the creepy sort and you’ve got a sense of humour.
So come on, ‘fess up. What did you score on the Brazen Mummy Quiz? Do agree with your score? Looks like I’m a solid B. Maybe I need to brazen up…
Give Me More!
If this made you giggle, you need to check out my rant about Toddler Groups.
Or the one about Tantrums – hilarious!
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