This week’s post is a toughie for me. Early miscarriage is something which affects so many of us, and yet when it happens to you, you feel like the only one in the world. Because nobody ever mentions it. It becomes like your secret shame, and it should never feel that way. So I’m going to be brazen and talk.
Because it’s hard to be the only one without a bump. Without a pram. Without a warm bundle of baby-ness in your arms. You feel like it will never happen for you; like blessings are for the other people. That’s not the case.
So it was always my wish to put my thoughts into words one day, in the hope of helping somebody out there find a little piece of comfort. There is help for you if you have suffered an early miscarriage. There is support. There may be solutions if you look for them and you may still find that rainbow if you keep on searching. I am proof of that.
Early Miscarriage – My Valentine’s Letter
This Valentine’s day I will think of you. All three of you. Your tiny hearts which did not beat for long.
You lived within me, in the folds of my womb. Cushioned, warm, but not safe enough. I’m sorry.
You carried with you my hopes and dreams. The hopes and dreams of others too. I would mother you.
I never got to feel you kick, to watch the swell of my belly as you grew. You didn’t grow enough.
I only got to see one of you swim on a scan; my little heart number three. How you bounced. If it wasn’t for you, I would have given up. But your flicker of life gave me hope – the hope that kept me fighting, which bloomed into your brother. My little rainbow boy.
I never knew why you didn’t endure. I never will. That’s fate I guess; not ours to understand.
Just know that I wanted you and nurtured you as best I could whilst you were mine. You were loved, you tiny, tiny souls. So loved.
But I won’t cling to you. Our lives are not about the sad things; we must celebrate the rainbows. And I do. So today I let you go.
May your hearts dance happily with the stars. All three of you. Be good.
And know that you have taught me so much. You have shown me perseverance. We will never know what life plans for us, but we must keep going. We must get up, each day, and try again. With a smile.
You have shaped me, little hearts. You have made me strong. You have reminded me to be grateful, every single day, for the one which did endure.
So this Valentine’s day my heart is for you. All three of you. Yours which did not beat for long.
If you feel moved to say a few words about early miscarriage or anything at all, or you have a story to share which may help others, please feel free to scroll down and type something in the Comments box. I would love to hear your thoughts.
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And as always, please do share this message on social media. You never know who may need it. Early miscarriage isn’t talked about enough.
Help For Early Miscarriage
For advice or support in relation to pregnancy loss, I recommend the Miscarriage Association website, where you will find lots of helpful information, and even a forum where you can chat to others:
https://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/
https://www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/miscarriage-forum/
More From Me
If you want to know more about the mummy behind the poem and her rainbow boy, please see the About Me page.
If you need more information on this subject, or advice on self-care during this difficult time, please feel free to visit my guest blog post on Nanny Maryanne’s website. The post is called Advice for Early Pregnancy Loss.
And as always, I am here for you via my Contact Page if you need me. Don’t be nervous.
Photo credit for featured image: Photo by Plush Design Studio from Pexels
found this poem i wrote on 5th march 2001, i was pregnant with twins but didnt know it and i had just miscarried one of them, so the first verse was before i went to the hospital for a scan and the 2nd verse was after i found out my Baylee was still there and still holding on, just goes to show even in despair you just dont know what goodness is around the corner. made me cry reading it when i found it today….
I need you now like never before, get me out of this ocean and back on shore, troubled waters that chop and change, clear the mists come out of the haze, another baby another death, two given and two less, where are you God my beacon light, too much darkness you’re out of sight, everything happens for a reason but what could that reason be, to give me another life, then take it away from me…..
The footsteps verse is so very true, you were carrying me when i needed you, the world around me so very stark, no daylight, nothing but dark, but you are there when i cannot see, to love and support and are guiding me. i thank you God and all above for giving me hope and so much love……… God bless my Baylee xxxxx
My goodness, you poor thing. What an amazing poem – there’s no end to your talents. Thank you so much for sharing that. I have so many books full of scribbles from the tough times. Need to be brave and take a look at them one day. Take care, lady. Hope your hubby is spoiling you today. Xx
Thank you for sharing your beautiful poem. It is definitely something we don’t talk about enough
Thanks for taking time to add a comment, Sal. Hopefully it will become less of a taboo if people share their thoughts a bit more. Takes a bit of time to be ready though. X
This is a beautiful poem and a lovely way to celebrate those three precious little lives. I agree that miscarriage isn’t talked about enough, it was only after I experienced it that a lot of my friends told me that had gone through it too, like I was only allowed to know once I was in the club.
Thank you for helping raise awareness.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. It certainly does happen so much more than we know, and it’s always good to talk.
This is such a beautiful poem for your lost babies. The more people talk about baby loss, the more help can be given to mums who go through the ordeal. Thanks for sharing xx
Thank you for taking the time to comment, Mel. I am so lucky compared to many, but I’m glad to be able to share my thoughts. Xx
They’re lovely words for your three little angels. I hope they bring comfort to those who have been through a miscarriage x
Me too, Cath. I’m grateful for your comments. X
I felt alone when I lost my two daughters but the more I talked about stillbirth the more I realised I wasn’t alone and there were others out there going through exactly what I was. I hope your poem brings comfort to those that need it at this time.
Thank you for sharing your very personal story, Michelle. I’m so sorry for your loss. Take care of yourself.
I’m so sorry for your losses, this is such a beautifully written letter
Thank you Steph. It’s very sweet of you to take the time to comment.
So proud of you, you are my rainbow xx
Ahh, thank you. You are the loveliest. Xx
This is such a beautiful post Neets. Brought a tear to my eye. Partly because of the sadness but also becuse I’m so happy for you and your lovely little family xx
Thank you sweetie. You were such a great support to me through the hard times. Lucky to have you. Xx
This poem is equally heartbreaking and beautiful. I’m sorry you have experienced such loss but thank you for sharing your experience so other women feel less alone xx
Thank you Wendy, that is ever so sweet. Xx
So very sad to read of your losses but such a beautiful poem to commemorate them – HUGS x
Thanks Sonia, grateful for the hugs! X
Thank you for sharing such a beautiful poem, so much support has to been put for those who’ve suffered in silence.
Thank you, Anosa. I hope I have helped somebody out there in some little way. X
I’m so sorry this has been part of your story.
Today, though, beauty for ashes.
Thank you for joining in with your kind comment, Michele. X
Very moving and can relate as I had too miscarriages, the first one was hard with lots of questions. Sending love to you X #twinklytuesday
So sorry to hear that, Sam. Love to you too. Thanks for getting in touch. X
So sorry to read of your losses, thank you for sharing such a personal post. #twinklytuesday x
Thank you for finding the time to read and comment, Kate. And thanks for hosting #twinklytuesday x
This is beautiful and puts words to one of the hardest things to ever put words to. One of the hardest parts is how little it’s discussed. Hugs to you.
Thanks lovely. Grateful for the hugs. X
I wrote about my losses too, it was a tough one to get down and it sat as a draft for a while because I was nervous of hitting the publish button. Thank you for sharing #TwinklyTuesday
So sorry to hear about your losses. Pressing publish is a scary thing, so well done for being courageous. X
So beautifully put. It’s so important that we keep having conversations like this one so it’s no longer taboo.
Thank you. I totally agree. X
Beautiful poem. I had one miscarriage and 6 healthy pregnancies. Some thought I should brush it off easily just because I had other healthy children. But it still hurt and still does. I feel like I’m the only one who cares sometimes…..thanks for the touching post.
Oh bless you, I’m so sorry to hear that. It’s difficult for other people to understand sometimes, but I get you. Thanks so much for reading. Take care of yourself. Xx