One thing I wasn’t prepared for when motherhood kicked off was the amount of time I’d spend feeling guilty. When I haven’t actually done anything wrong!
That DREADED mum guilt. Do you know the thing I mean? It seems to pop up everywhere, like an uninvited jack-in-the-box, with a dumb taunting face and stupid flashing fairy lights. Quite honestly, I wish it would just pee off.
It can quite happily invite itself to any situation. Wobbly toddler has a little topple (whilst you may have been checking your phone)? GUILTY. Baby gets nappy rash because you tried out those two-for-one nappies? GUILTY ONCE MORE.
And if you caught my recent post about comparing your little one to others, you’ll know I feel that panic every time I see a child acing something I haven’t taught my offspring to do.
(Ooh, excited side note – I have a FREEBIE for you at the end..!)
Guilty About the Little Things
Now here’s a mum guilt example. When I was pregnant, I read ALL OF THE BOOKS. I mean, I love a good book anyway, and who doesn’t get excited about a project(!)
Well, this one book called Brain Rules for Baby suggested that children under two shouldn’t watch TV. It was written by a very clever brain scientist, so who was I to argue. (Yes, yes, I know. First time mum with all those crazy ideals! PFFFFFFFFF.)
Overwhelm. Now there’s a snazzy little buzzword. If you’re feeling like you’re going to smash a few plates with all this juggling, keep reading, mumma. We’re going to fix all of that in a jiffy…
(Also – when did overwhelm become a noun as well as a verb?
Was it when we all became so overwhelmingly overwhelmed, that some flashy business guru had to invent more jargon? Well, don’t let it be said Brazen Mummy doesn’t keep you on the cutting edge of fancy schmancy lingo.
So are you suffering with this overwhelm too?
And what does it look like?
Err, you know that thing when you’ve got so much stuff to do you can barely stop for breath? When you might just yank your frazzled hair out and scream big ugly swear bombs just for the eff of it? Yes, well that. (So a friend tells me…)
You may wonder why Brazen Mummy would suffer with this overwhelm. Aren’t I “just” a stay at home mum? Well, firstly, this mumming is a damn sight more demanding than my years of swanning around the office. The days when I could pee solo and make coffee the first time the kettle boiled.
Mumming is a twenty-four hour Piccadilly circus, with no pay and a two foot boss who can tantrum like a b*tch.
Stop comparing yourself to others! But urgh, why is it so hard..?
Comparing yourself or your child to others will steal your happiness. Yep, that’s right. It will rock right up in its woolly balaclava and snatch the very joy from your delicate little palms.
So today I’m thinking about why we do this to ourselves and how we can just flaming well stop it! Because we should just concentrate on being fabulous us, have faith in our parenting skills and be proud of our gorgeous little bundles of craziness in all their ratty, snotty glory.
Hell yeah mummies, let’s crack this.
Should you stop comparing yourself to others completely?
OK, I’ll admit it. Just like the big guy with the twiddly moustache from the advert says, a bit of comparison can be a useful thing.
I mean let’s face it, none of us are born knowing how to mum. We learn and take our inspiration from others, to some extent. I know I’m often taking a sneak peek at how other mums do things and thinking bloody brilliant, I’m stealing that snazzy little trick.
This week’s post is a toughie for me. Early miscarriage is something which affects so many of us, and yet when it happens to you, you feel like the only one in the world. Because nobody ever mentions it. It becomes like your secret shame, and it should never feel that way. So I’m going to be brazen and talk.
Because it’s hard to be the only one without a bump. Without a pram. Without a warm bundle of baby-ness in your arms. You feel like it will never happen for you; like blessings are for the other people. That’s not the case.
So it was always my wish to put my thoughts into words one day, in the hope of helping somebody out there find a little piece of comfort. There is help for you if you have suffered an early miscarriage. There is support. There may be solutions if you look for them and you may still find that rainbow if you keep on searching. I am proof of that.
I’ve been mulling it over since Little B was born, and generally putting it off. Of course it’s easy to put things off when you have a baby to keep alive. You barely have time to clean your teeth for the first few months. Then the weaning starts and you’re busy chiselling dried up pea puree from every flipping surface. Then the blighters start crawling and tearing your house up – so there’s never a good time to be mucking around with a blog.
Impostor Syndrome – Look at All the Proper Mums!
But maybe the real reason is I wasn’t quite sure if I was a proper mum yet. At least not one that had anything useful to say. When I looked at other mummy blogs they all seemed to be juggling multiple kids and being gorgeous and hilarious all at once. Some of them even made dainty cupcakes and nice bits of jewellery out of pasta. Bloody hell. Maybe those are the proper mums. I don’t even have a proper mum car.