Now don’t go shooting me down in flames. This may be a tad controversial, and I accept playgroups are a lifeline to many mums, and super great for the little ones, blah blah blah. But come on. Don’t they sometimes just annoy you?
And I’m not trying to put you off them. If you haven’t been, go with a friend, and all of this stuff will be hilarious. These are not ten universal truths, just my sarcastic take on the matter. Probably on a bad day.
*Secures her bullet proof vest for the onslaught*
Argh, here goes:
Playgroup Truth #1
Small strangers try to touch you. They are sticky. They have A LOT of breakfast encrusted around their faces and they may be snotty. Their parent/guardian types are not parenting or guarding, they are playing Candy Crush Saga on their mobile phones at an unsafe distance.
Blogging Words. Just what is all that lingo about anyway? Well, here goes…
(Now don’t say Brazen Mummy isn’t down with the kids!)
Your Complete Guide to Blogging Words…
Blogroll– Honestly, I’m not making these blogging words this up. And it’s not the stuff your toddler likes to unravel across the bathroom like he’s the bloody Andrex puppy. This is a list of links which you may have on your website, probably in a sidebar, listing other decent blogs. But hang on a sec, what’s a…
Sidebar – Ooh, I know. Small place where you order drinks? Err, brandy cocktail? (or was that a sidecar?) Ah, nope. Disappointingly, this is just a column to the right or left of the main blog content. You know, the bit where you might put a widget or two. Oh, give me strength. What the hell’s a…
Widget – Little plastic thingy-bob in the bottom of a beer can? You know, the thing that makes the froth? Jack Dee did a whole song and dance about them in the 90s. (Ladies flashing their ladybird bottoms were involved, so my husband now points out. Trust him to notice. You can check out the lady bums with the link below, if you’re particularly bored): Continue reading “Blogging Words – Humorous Guide”
DISCLAIMER – THIS BRAZEN MUMMY QUIZ IS JUST FOR FUN. IN NO WAY SHOULD YOU TAKE PARENTING OR LIFE ADVICE FROM THIS QUIZ. IT IS NOT ACCEPTABLE TO ATTACK PEOPLE WITH SLIPPERS.
Brazen Mummy Question 1
You are at a mums and toddlers group and a bolshie mum (probably dressed in Boden with not a trace of dried baby food on her) snatches a toy from your precious darling to give to her own spoilt offspring. Do you:
A. March over to the woman and give her a lecture on sharing nicely. Nobody steals Peppa Pig from your kid and gets away with it.
B. Gawp in disbelief and find something better for your little one to play with. You were sick of Peppa Whats-Its-Face anyway.
C. Round up some more toys to give to the scary lady and her child. Come on, she might beat you up…
Brazen Mummy Question 2
Your breastfed baby is screaming for milk. You’re in a busy restaurant and fully within your rights to feed your baby wherever you flipping please, but the people at the next table start scowling at you as you make a move to start breastfeeding. Do you: Continue reading “Quiz – Are You a Brazen Mummy?”
I’ve been mulling it over since Little B was born, and generally putting it off. Of course it’s easy to put things off when you have a baby to keep alive. You barely have time to clean your teeth for the first few months. Then the weaning starts and you’re busy chiselling dried up pea puree from every flipping surface. Then the blighters start crawling and tearing your house up – so there’s never a good time to be mucking around with a blog.
Impostor Syndrome – Look at All the Proper Mums!
But maybe the real reason is I wasn’t quite sure if I was a proper mum yet. At least not one that had anything useful to say. When I looked at other mummy blogs they all seemed to be juggling multiple kids and being gorgeous and hilarious all at once. Some of them even made dainty cupcakes and nice bits of jewellery out of pasta. Bloody hell. Maybe those are the proper mums. I don’t even have a proper mum car.
I have a lot of cupboards in my kitchen. A lot. Plus a large cubbyhole which some might describe as a pantry. Not saying my kitchen is huge, more that it’s been well planned. (Not by me. Perhaps by a fellow hoarder in days gone by – thank you, my dear.)
But would you look at this mess. A few days after Christmas and I still can’t fit all the Christmas food into the cupboards. I’ve even got spare cake in our bedroom.
Cake. In our bedroom! What on Earth?
And also Toblerone and chocolate truffles so B-Daddy is now pointing out. Who rattled his cage? Urgh.