I didn’t realise what a mother was until I became one.
When I was a child, you were someone who took charge of all the things and told me I couldn’t stay up late playing Barbie Rock Star. In my heart I was grateful you were always there with your hugs and your patience, but I didn’t realise it then.
When I was a teenager, you were someone who nagged about short skirts and said no to bad boyfriends. In my heart, I was grateful you showed me how to be strong and brave and to believe in myself, but I didn’t realise it then.
When I grew up, you became a best friend. I was growing into you – we liked the same things. We scavenged at flea markets, fought over bargains, shared inspiration. But that wasn’t all you were. I didn’t realise it then.
Now That I Am a Mother
Now that I am a mother, though still new, I begin to sense what it means – the sheer enormity of what you have given.
I’ve got to say, this toddler tantrum malarkey has pounced on me like a mugger from a bush. I mean, I’d heard all about these terrible twos, but give me a break. My kid’s barely one!
There’s no doubt about it – toddlers are angsty little suckers. It’s like they have all the “why the hell are you getting in my face” rage of a teenager, but with an even worse ability to express themselves. At least teenagers can talk (well, grunt).
It seems like it’s all going on for these toddlers. Teething, the dreaded leaps, having to learn to do ALL OF THE STUFF. No wonder they get ranty.
Now I don’t know much about much, but I’ve been trying out a few tricks in the interests of trying to keep my sanity in the eye of the storm. So I thought I’d share what works for me.
Why the First Week of Blogging Feels Like the First Week of Motherhood
I lie on the floor of the landing. I’m not quite sure what I’m doing here. I just feel drained.
And then it hits me. This first week of blogging has been like that first week of motherhood. You know the one – when you felt knackered, emotional, and everything was just completely, indisputably surreal.
Right then, thinks my slightly fuzzy brain. You’re not lying here like a great whinge baby for nothing – there’s got to be a post in this somewhere. If I can just rack my memory banks and piece all this together…
So if you remember that hazy, crazy first week of motherhood, or if you’ve ever tried your hand at some new creative thing, have a peek at this and let me know if it all sounds a bit familiar…
Giving Birth – The Ouchy Bit of
The first week of blogging is done and it’s a bit like you’ve given birth. OK, so there were none of those good drugs and nobody came to stitch up your lady parts, but it was similarly intense.
Now don’t go shooting me down in flames. This may be a tad controversial, and I accept playgroups are a lifeline to many mums, and super great for the little ones, blah blah blah. But come on. Don’t they sometimes just annoy you?
And I’m not trying to put you off them. If you haven’t been, go with a friend, and all of this stuff will be hilarious. These are not ten universal truths, just my sarcastic take on the matter. Probably on a bad day.
*Secures her bullet proof vest for the onslaught*
Argh, here goes:
Playgroup Truth #1
Small strangers try to touch you. They are sticky. They have A LOT of breakfast encrusted around their faces and they may be snotty. Their parent/guardian types are not parenting or guarding, they are playing Candy Crush Saga on their mobile phones at an unsafe distance.
DISCLAIMER – THIS BRAZEN MUMMY QUIZ IS JUST FOR FUN. IN NO WAY SHOULD YOU TAKE PARENTING OR LIFE ADVICE FROM THIS QUIZ. IT IS NOT ACCEPTABLE TO ATTACK PEOPLE WITH SLIPPERS.
Brazen Mummy Question 1
You are at a mums and toddlers group and a bolshie mum (probably dressed in Boden with not a trace of dried baby food on her) snatches a toy from your precious darling to give to her own spoilt offspring. Do you:
A. March over to the woman and give her a lecture on sharing nicely. Nobody steals Peppa Pig from your kid and gets away with it.
B. Gawp in disbelief and find something better for your little one to play with. You were sick of Peppa Whats-Its-Face anyway.
C. Round up some more toys to give to the scary lady and her child. Come on, she might beat you up…
Brazen Mummy Question 2
Your breastfed baby is screaming for milk. You’re in a busy restaurant and fully within your rights to feed your baby wherever you flipping please, but the people at the next table start scowling at you as you make a move to start breastfeeding. Do you: Continue reading “Quiz – Are You a Brazen Mummy?”